


Nerf’d ya

by Risen_Angels



Series: Raising Casey (With John and Dave) [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: 2 parts, ALL PLASTIC TOYS AND FOAM, All plastic and foam, I promise, I repeat, M/M, There will be fluff, and John and Dave aren't bad parents, idk I just wanted to clarify, like the ones you would buy at a toy store, so there are no actual guns, the pistols and swords are foam toys, toy guns with the foam bullets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risen_Angels/pseuds/Risen_Angels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's John's and Dave's anniversary, and when their reservations get canceled, John freaks out. But while he is out, trying to find the only place not booked, Dave and Casey make the most out of the situation and set up a little surprise of their own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>************~For everyone following my other works, like "Upon Ruby Wings..." and "KCO", please read the notes for this one shot to get information about the delay in updates!!! Thank you!!~*************</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiiiii Everyone!!!! Ok, I'm so, so, SO sorry for the massive delay in between my updates! So here is why it's been so long.
> 
> My first reason is because of exams 0m0 I've been studying and with everything on crunch time it was getting harder for me to write without getting stressed (and when I'm stressed my writing is not very good so I tried to not write while stressed, which was hard)
> 
> And My second reason is because I was in a slight "writer's block rut", and I found that I was having a hard time being inspired (this was probably due to reason one, but it's still a reason on it's own).
> 
> However this is not the only reason why I told you guys to read the notes in the summary. omo
> 
> I am going on Hatius.
> 
> 0M0 YES I KNOW IT SUCKS BUT I CAN'T HELP IT 0M0 I am going away to a summer camp for 2 months, and while I'm there I will have no access to the internet nor will I be able to write because I will be extremely busy. This does not mean, however, that I will not continue writing once I return. I will finish these stories, and I will continue these fanfics after the summer! ^w^
> 
> My last update before I'm on Hiatus will be on this little 2 shot, after my Upon Ruby wings and Bright Blue eyes update this week. After I post that I will change the summary of all my things to let everyone know I'm on hiatus. 
> 
> I'm not done the update for upon ruby wings yet though, so that is why you get this!!!! ^w^ and since it's a two shot and short I will make the final chapter for this 2 shot the last update I do before I finish updating for the summer. ^w^
> 
> OK, so now onto the story ^w^

It’d was his and Dave’s anniversary, and John was absolutely exhausted. He had just spent several hours running around town after work trying to find 1, just 1, single fucking restaurant that wasn’t booked to the max. 

Way back when he and Dave got married, John thought it would be so sweet to get hitched on valentine’s days, the most romantic days of the year. And since it was the most romantic day of the year, it was also the hardest to get reservations with. He and Dave usually went to this little quaint restaurant which severed awesome Italian food (like fancy pizza’s) every year, and when they adopted Casey they’d either bring her along or they’d let her send time at Auntie Rose’s and Kanaya’s while he and Dave spend some “quality” time together.

But why was he out in his soccer mom mini-van, still in his brown jacket, blue undershirt, and dress pants, driving around and pleading with every restaurant manager in town to give him a seat for two or three? Because that little quaint restaurant over booked, and even though he was the first name on that list (he saw it! He know he did!) they turned him down just because there was a few “complaints” about him and Dave (and he sure as hell knows not all of them where about the time John accidentally made Dave laugh so hard he shot spaghetti out his nose. That was ONE time…). Furious, John had stormed out of the restaurant, and so far has been spending most of his afternoon leading up to the reservation time Dave and him know off by heart searching for a solution to this problem. He had even called Rose to ask for her help (which wasn’t very helpful considering all she did was tell him to spend it at home this year and not make a big deal out of it. It’s a yearly celebration of their love being bond together by an actual fucking law that had been otherwise illegal until a few years ago. He was going to make a big deal of it, not matter what stood in his way. Take that Rose!)

He trudged back to the van, his shoulders hanging and a long, sad sigh sounding from John’s mouth as he opened the door to the van. Plopping down in the soft seat, he let his head fall to the steering wheel, the horn of the car blaring as he mentally checked off the last restaurant in town that either, A) wasn’t closed, or B) couldn’t POSSIBLY be booked full (the latter was disproven wrong).

And if this wasn’t bad enough, the car’s blaring horn was soon joined by a loud, thrumming beat that echoed through the car, startling John and making him jump. His head had shot up from the leather steering wheel cover only to hit bash into the ceiling. Great, there would be no way in the world Dave wouldn’t laugh at John for getting a concussion on the soft, interior plush of the minivan. Speaking of the devil….

The very ringtone which scared the shit out of John was none other than his great husband. Shit, he’s probably calling because I didn’t come home yet to get ready for dinner….

“Fuuuuuck.” John groaned as he reached into his pocket, pulling out his small smart phone, which was still seated comfortably in its blue, protective case, Dave making the most uncool face ever plastered on the screen above the “swipe to answer” call button. Collecting himself, he swiped the answer button on the third round of ill beats. 

“Uh… Hi Dave!” John said as cheerily as he could, his voice oddly high. Geez he really hope Dave didn’t hear his change in tone. That would give him away!

But instead of getting his usual “Sup babe” from his boyfriend, he instead got a muffled, deeper voice (still Dave’s if he’s going off of Dave’s southern drawl which always creeps into his words when his voice drops to a lower tone) rumbling into the phone. “You have half an hour ta return to your house before we open fire. Further instruction will be awatin’ you at the door. Don’t be late.” And then the line dropped.  
John groaned. This was just what he needed. Just perfect.

Within 20 minutes or so John was pulling into their small driveway, parking the van and making his way up the path to their humble house. Only, it would seem humble if it didn’t have a whole bunch of balls, pool noodle and other random toys and objects scattered along the path to the door. (Ow, fuck! … a Lego, really? They might as well be trying to kill him! Those things hurt like a bitch…) Situated at the door was a huge, blue, Styrofoam hammer and a plastic, blue and Orange pistol with John’s favourite Fanny pack full of about 200 blue Styrofoam ammunition. A small, hand written sign in messy handwriting written with yellow and pink markers said, “Uo Have tO tri and Get to My CASEY’s rom to Sav her!!! We hAVe her sOsage (John couldn’t help but cracking up at Casey trying to spell Sausage, probably from mishearing hostage, hehe!)!” At the bottom of the page there was an arrow pointing to the back of the card. John turned it over to find a picture of what looked to be a toy, white and red, double barrel torrent with mounds of ammunition next to it, a plastic sniper rifle of the same colour, a pink and yellow toy cross bow with arrows with foam on the end, three pistols like his own, and what looked to be an orange plastic gun with a giant barrel on its side containing a whole spiraling set of ammo. 

Alongside the mounds of red and yellow ammo were two people, each with bright blonde hair (oh no, I wonder who they could be…), though their eyes were obstructed from view with shades (the taller of the two ‘strangers’ wearing cool, metal framed sunglasses while the shorter one was wearing bright pink coloured ones, the frames in the shape of long lashes with little sparkly gems on the end). Each of them were also wearing a bandana over their mouth and a hat on their head, a pink baseball cap put on sideways by the shorter one, with a yellow bandanna, and a white bandanna and red beanie for the taller one. The shorter one was also wearing a black dress jacket and shorts with a yellow, frilly shirt (oh god Kanaya would kill them if those got wrecked!) while the taller one was wearing baggy black shorts and a red tank, showing off his hot, strong arms… (No John, this is no time to drool over the enemy!)

Below the picture, in big, bright red letters, was “Good luck sucker <3” 

John scoffed to himself. Two against one, seems hardly fair, but then again, maybe he could persuade Casey- oh sorry, he means THE SHORTER STRANGER- to join his team. 

John bucked the fanny pack around his hip and placed the blue, plastic pistol in one hand and the gigantic foam hammer in the other. He carefully took his keys from his pocket and, as gracefully as he could while holding a giant fucking hammer, he unlocked the front door, opening just a tad to see if-

RA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA- “Fuck!”

John slammed the door shut, a few stray foam bullets just grazing his shoulder on the way out the door. Holy shit that must have been that turret in the picture. John heard a muffled “DADDY’S HOME!!! GO GO GO!!!” Through the door. Definitely Dave, the smug bastard. He has the front covered, and John bets that the back and side doors also are booby trapped, probably with a bucket full of water or flour. 

John began to rake through his brain for ways inside. The bathroom window….? No… that’s always locked since Dave’s bro tried going through it to surprise Casey as Santa clause one Christmas…. Their bedroom window? No, too high. Dave could probably scale it, but like hell John was going to attempt that. The-  
The Basement!!!!

Back when they first made bought the house, Dave was paranoid as fuck that someone would try to hold them hostage because he was a semi-big music producer (now a very big music producer), and since then they had an “escape root” through their basement into the shed in their backyard. But instead of using it for a daring escape, it was about to be used to make a spectacular entrance. 

John rushed to the back and used his keys to open the shed’s door. It was a small shed and it had a lawn mower and a few rakes in the way of the trap door, but with a few shifts, and the rearranging of objects, John managed to open the hidden entrance and slip inside with ease. 

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW SPIDER WEBS!!! YUCK!!!!

John flailed like an idiot for about 3 minutes, trying to whip off all the spider webs now coating him, before he finally said “this is STUPID”, which it obviously was because it was a single spider web and it only was on his shoulder. After that ‘stunning’ realization he charged down the dimly lit tunnel until he got to the small, metal panel which, on the other side, mimicked a breaker panel. John carefully removed the panel from its spot, being careful not to make noise and draw attention to him. He was going to get the jump on Dave, God Damnit!

He peered out of the hole he was in, finding that the coast was clear. Sweet!

He quickly got out of the hole in the wall and raced to the stairs, dodging the laundry baskets which littered the way to the stairs. Once reaching the carpeted stairs he took off his shoes and quietly tip toed up the stairs, praying that the two maniacs he lives with don’t hear the slightly creaky floor board he steps on near the top of the stairs. He peered up from the stairs, looking around. In front of him was the living room. It was a decent size space, a large, 4 metre by 5 metre space that had oak flooring, soft, lay down carpets of multiple colours, and a 3 cushion couch with several large bean bags against the wall. Or, at least they would be if they weren’t made into a barricade in front of the over turned couch, the coffee table usually in front of it propped up against the back porch door as a blockade, and multiple different toys which were NEATLY put away this morning now littered the floor as mini land mines of “ouch”. 

To his right was nothing but a wall and a window (the stairs were right against the wall), to the left was the remaining area of the living room (just the T.V and a bookcase filed with children books and Disney movies) and beyond the edge of the living room was the hallway leading to their small kitchen which was decorated of pictures of their wedding and Casey as a baby (and some new ones too). John narrowed his eyes when he saw a finely shaped butt in a pair of black baggy pant attached to a blonde. Said blonde was also snickering, crouching behind the giant ass turret like in the picture, it’s barrel pointed at the front door with a few piles of unused ammo beside his feet (What a bastard!!).

John smirked smugly, Dave totally oblivious to his raven haired husband. John stood from his crouching spot on the stairs and, quietly, snuck his way over to Dave, who was now peering over the turret at the door in confusion. Deciding that a foam hammer is MUCH sweeter revenge, John stood behind Dave, raising said foam hammer way above his head with two hands. Three… two…

Pop, pop, pop!

John barely had time to duck as pink and yellow toy bullets flew past him, both he and Dave (who was still oblivious to his husbands presence) now using the turret as a shield. “Whoa, Hey, hey, hey! Hold your horse’s kiddo!” Dave said, waving his hands above the edge of the turret to show he means no harm. Dave peeked up over the turret, and John cautiously looked over his shoulder at the assailant. It was Casey, who was at the bottom of the stairs leading to their bedroom, next to the kitchen entrance. Her bright blue eyes were trained on his own, her mini-toy pistol trained at him. However, from Dave’s point of view, her only target was him. 

“Casey, why are you firing at me? I thought we already went over it’s not a free for all.” Dave said with smirk, leaning over the turret, “Because I’m pretty sure if it was a free for all, you’d kick our butts, so I’m being smart and staying on the winning team.” Casey now wore a huge grin, the yellow bandanna that was covering her face in the picture now replacing the baseball cap that was nowhere in sight. “I know daddy!” She beamed, small toy still pointed at him, “I’m trying to get him!”

With a sudden realization at what her words meant, Dave whipped around, John’s face inches away from his own, only instead John wore a smug smirk instead of a startled expression. John leaned in and gave Dave a slightly long kiss on the lips. Dave, being utterly confused, neither kissed back nor pulled away. John smiled into the kiss, pulling away with both pride and Dave’s own red and white toy pistol, pointing it at his chest and letting a single foam bullet his him straight over the heart. 

“Gotcha.”

Dave’s eyes widen at the action, and then in a split second he was up, picking up a giggling Casey and running upstairs with her in his arms. “No fair Egbert! I call frickin hacks bro.” Dave then peered down from the stairs, doing the “I’m watching you” hand gesture, before running back up the stairs, shouting “Two out of three wins!!!!!”

John snorted, smiling at where Dave had disappeared as he stood up and gathered ammo.

A war had started in their house, out of foam and plastic, and like hell John was going to be beat by 2 blonde dorks in get ups. 

Game on.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John takes matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm updating this because I'm a bit late updating URWABBE, and it may be a bit longer till I update since I am very busy now with my daily life. I do so enjoy writing stories for you and hearing your comments! I hope you guys can wait just a bit longer till I am able to update one of my main fics! I hope you all enjoy this! ^w^

With pockets full of ammo, his trusty foam hammer in hand, and Dave’s stolen pistol in his belt, John carefully made his way up the stairs, his back pressed to the wall as he tried peering around the turn in the stairs (where the stairs ended there was a turn down a hall way, which blocked his view of the soon-to-be battle ground so long as he was on the stairs). He slowed once he got to the top of the stairs, switching side of the stairs and leaning his back against the wall that’s closets to the hall. John heard a bit of shuffling around and loud thudding footsteps before it was silent. Dammit, they could be right there and I would walk right into their attack. 

John scrunched up his nose in thought, what the fuck is he supposed to do? As an idea popped into his mind, a wide grin spread over his face. 

Quickly, he took off his suit jacket, holding it in his hand as he readied himself for battle. One… two… three! 

He tossed the jacket out into the hallway, where it was bombarded with several nerf bullets, a mixture of red and yellow and pink. “Shit! Move, move, move!” Echoed down the hall, presumably from Dave, which was followed by high pitch giggling from a young miss Casey. 

John jumped out from his hiding place and into the hallway, which was now both dead silent and empty. There were 4 doors, 2 at the very end of the hall, the one to the right was the master bedroom (obviously John’s and Dave’s) and the one to the left was a guest room, used for when Rose and Kanaya came over or Dave’s bro. The two closest rooms, which John was now approaching, were the bathroom, left, and Casey’s room, right. The Door to Casey’s room was ajar. John smirked, obviously whoever was heading inside was in a rush. He slowly crept up to the door, back against the wall that held the ajar door. John readied his hammer, his grip on it unyielding. He cautiously bumped the door open wider with his hammer and waited. No attack. He then leaned over to peer into the room.

The room was mainly pink, the walls a lighter colour then the carpet, with yellow trim separating the two pinks. Posters of different children’s movies decorated her room, along with some of her favourite bands (looks like she inherited both from her dads! That’s my girl!). Her white railed bed was in the center of the room, a knitted yellow quilt with red and blue flowers was resting atop it, askew from lack of proper bed making, revealing the bright yellow sheets underneath. Her dressers were white with yellow drawers that had pink and blue flower handles. Two doll houses were along her far wall, where there was a small alcove which held the only window in the room. The rest of the room was covered in clothes or small toys of varying shapes and sizes. Hmmmm, looks like one little girl will be cleaning her room soon! John thought idly.

John pushed the door open all the way before he entered, his hammer at the ready to boop the “mysterious stranger” on the head. He walked in to about the center of the room, trying to be quiet as possible. Well, he tried, until he stepped on a Lego piece that hurt like he stepped on a nail that went right through his foot. He grabbed his foot quickly, dropping hammer and letting out a loud “SON OF A-!” before he bit his lip to stop the word from slipping.

But now his cover was blown.

Suddenly Casey shot up from behind the bed, her small nerf gun aimed directly at the pained John. “Hands in the air!” She cheered, giggling when she saw John’s exasperated expression. “Ok, ok…” John said, lowering his foot and raising his hands before looking at her pleadingly, “But are you sure there is nothing I can that will save me? Not even 2 treats from dairy queen?” John held back a smirk when he saw contemplation cross over Casey’s face. “Maaaaaybe,” Casey drawled in that slight southern twang she had picked up from Dave. She doesn’t use it often, but when she does you know she means business. “What if I don’t wanna have something from fairy queen?” Casey said, John smiling at both her slip up of words and his own thought of how he was going to negotiate with her. “Hmmm, well, what if I told you your bed time could be moved from 8 o’clock to 8:30?” 

Casey’s eyes narrowed. “Make it 9.” 

John would not be moved. “8:30.”

Casey raised her pistol higher, dramatically pointing it at John like she was getting ready to shoot John with one of her many foam bullets. “9!”

John sighed. “8:45. Do we have a deal?” 

He held out his hand as Casey appeared to be mulling it over in her head. She then quickly crawled over the bed and walked over to John, where she shook his hand and hugged him. “Deal daddy!” She said as he hugged her back. When he let go he picked up his foam hammer, smiling triumphantly. “Ok, good girl Casey. Now all we need to do is find….” John trailed off when Casey couldn’t stop smiling at him, her eyes flickering to look over his shoulder towards the door.

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?” John deadpanned.

“You know it sugar.” Dave’s voice responded.

John whipped around, swinging his foam hammer at the blonde, the other dodging the other’s attacks as he too launched his own with a foam sword. Both dodged one another’s attack, with Dave soon leading the attack into the narrow hall. Casey ran into the other room giggling like a maniac as John and Dave battled. John was able to get the upper hand, however, and push Dave into the bathroom, where he got the other pinned against the floor after Dave slipped on the small floor mat at the base of the tub. John smiled down at his husband, whose hair was mused and shade’s askew, showing his bright Red eyes. 

“So what was that about 2 out of three wins?” John said proudly. Dave, despite the position he was currently in, smirked. “I don’t know if this counts as a win babe, cause if anything I’m the winner.” John could hear the hint of flirtation in Dave’s voice, and his smile only grew. “Oh really? Dave, I have you pinned to a bathroom floor, how is that winning?” Dave leaned up and kissed John deeply on the lips, his blue eyed husband kissing back because why the hell not. When Dave leaned back from the kiss his smirk was still seated firmly in place. “Cause you are pinning me to the floor.” Dave responded, and both he and John now shared a deep blush. When Dave leaned up to kiss John again the other turned his face away, causing Dave’s mouth to land on John’s neck, though Dave certainly wasn’t complaining. “D-Dave! I don’t think we should be doing this right now…” John tried to argue, but Dave only smiled into his neck. “Nah, we’re pretty good, Casey’s probably playing some other game right now.”

Just as Dave trailed light kisses up John’s jaw to his lips, the two were bombarded with red foam pellets. “Holy- what the?” John shot up from atop Dave, but just like Dave when he went to turn around he slipped on the folded bath mat, causing him to fall backwards onto the floor, letting out a long groan. John looked up above him, where he saw Casey, whose feet were just inches away from his head. Casey had a goofy grin on her face, the huge as turret in her hands (though it didn’t have the stand, and only had one round foam pellet cartridge in it instead of 2). “I WIN! YAY!” Casey cheered as she raised the turret above her head in victory. It was true, she had just bested both adults, who were now laughing with their daughter as she giggled and cheered while dancing around her dads. 

John got off of the floor, where he then proceed to pick Casey up and tickle her senseless as Dave watched on with a love struck grin on his face. Casey screeched and giggled and tried to squirm out of John’s grasp as he tickled her. “Say uncle!” John said, not relenting in his attack. “heheheHEHEHE! UNCL-HEHEHE-LE, UNCLE! HAHAHA!” John, satisfied that Casey was tickled well enough, placed her on the floor, where she then ran to hide behind Dave, a big grin on her face. 

Dave readjusted his glasses and stood, patting Casey on the head. “Well Kiddo, looks like I owe you a frosty for helpin me out.” John eyes narrowed. “I told her that her bed time was moved since she helped me….” Both John and Dave looked at Casey who only pouted. “I get both.” She said sternly with a adorable pout on her face. John and Dave shared a look before they turned to Casey again. Dave picked up Casey and carried her downstairs while John followed, the turret which she had dropped when he tickled her now in his hand. “Ok Cas, ya get both, but only if you eat all your vegetable tonight.” When he set Casey down she looked up at him like she had just taken up a challenge. “Ok, I will!” She said, marching out towards the kitchen, obviously eager for supper as it could mean she gets to stay up later and have a treat.

Dave turned towards John as the other set down the turret in the corner, the after mentioned looking around at all the pellets everywhere, dreading tomorrow when he would have to clean it all up. “Tricks on her,” Dave said, smirking at where Casey left the room while moving to wrap an arm around John’s waist, “We’re not having any vegetables tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I don't really proof read my work so I apologize for any typos as I wrote a majority of this in one sitting!

**Author's Note:**

> You guys are all awesome!!! ^w^


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